Because the future is not yet fixed, it holds much in store, and simultaneously holds nothing in store.
Nervous anticipation.
My broken down, overclocked body should still last long enough to hopefully do the school proud. To do myself proud. To not let down myself. To not let down my teammates.
The question is, will my body be able to flawless execute what it needs to do? Will the software and hardware reach the level of compatibility needed to perform well?
I know full well that at this point I should no longer have any doubts. No longer have any misgivings. Either I will do well, or I will do well. But that is only in theory. The seed of self-doubt, planted so early on, shows its tender tendrils nonetheless. Not helping is my ridiculously high level of inconsistency.
As De Wei so eloquently put it, "Yu Xuan, you may have the most margin of error, but you also have the greatest tendency to make errors." And this is so very much true. Bowling 99 followed by 199 in Malaysia. Bowling 125 followed by 243 today. I need my body to perform up to my expectations to achieve my goals. I need to either increase my margin of error (not possible, considering how huge it already is), or decrease my chances of making errors.
Everything hangs in a fragile balance. Every bit makes a huge difference.
This is my last year in Hwa Chong bowling. My first, last and only chance to bowl for my school. Hopefully I can do my school proud. So what if the other competitors are all powerhouses who train 2 hours 5 times a week since primary school? So what if people have at least 5 times my bowling experience? Let me not let myself down. Let me not let others down.
No more doubts. No more misgivings. Time to perform.
