Bumper Stickers: "Constipated people don't give a crap" "Practice safe sex: go screw yourself" "Accidents cause people" "Impotence; nature's way of saying 'no hard feelings'"
Some quotes: Money isn't everything - for one, it isn't plentiful. "We need not worry so much about what man descends from - it's what he descends to that shames the human race." - Mark Twain
Examples of Good, Bad, Ugly: Good - your wife is pregnant Bad - she is expecting triplets Ugly - you had a vasectomy five years ago
Good - your husband understands fashion Bad - he is a cross-dresser Ugly - he looks better than you
Scientific Phrases and what they mean:
"It has long been known." I didn't look up the original reference.
"A definite trend is evident." These data are practically meaningless.
"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions" An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" The rest of the results didn't make any sense.
"Typical results are shown:" 1. This is the prettiest graph. 2. The best results are shown.
"These results will be in a subsequent report" I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"In my experience" Once.
"In case after case" Twice.
"In a series of cases" Thrice.
"It is believed that" I think.
"It is generally believed that" A coupled of others think so, too.
"Correct within an order of magnitude" Wrong.
"According to statistical analysis" Rumour has it.
"A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings" A wild guess.
"A careful analysis of obtainable data" Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of iced tea and couldn't be bothered to replace them.
"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs" 1. I don't understand it. 2. I need more grant money. 3. I can get at least one more paper out of this.
"After additional study by my colleagues" They don't understand it either.
"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions" Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
"A highly significant area for exploratory study" A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"Handled with extreme care during the experiments" Not dropped on the floor.
"Presumably at longer times" I didn't take the time to find out.
"This paper will omit a review of the more recent literature in favour of" I don't know if anything has been writtein on this since my dissertation.
"Various authorities agree" I overheard this in the hall.
"It was observed that" One of my students noticed that
"No discussion would be complete without reference to the contributions of:" I need another footnote on this page.
"This research has left many questions unaswered" I didn't find anything of significance.
"This finding has not yet been incorporated into general theory" Perhaps my next graduate student will make sense of it.
"It is hoped that this sudy will simulate further investigation into this field" I quit.
