"Study the past, if you were to define the future"
I live two masks.
Naturally, people doubt me.
Some people will never understand the pain. Having never felt it, having never experienced it, they will never understand it. Having lived through those days. It is the reason why I am unable to dislike, to hate, to feel hostility towards others. Because I have been on the receiving end for so long.
The personality with which you, the reader, are probably accustomed with is the personality I created as a result of my past experiences. Of locking up my emotions for four years. I once stood out too much. Ahahahaha for that I suffered for most of primary school. Have you ever had to live a year, where close to nobody in your class would talk to you, would recognize your existence, would show any indication that you were there? And so I changed... from one extreme to another.
The me who is writing this now is also the real me. I don't do things for attention. I don't like attention. I am not conceited. I simply express what I suppress. I do things for the sake of it. I don't do things with ulterior motives. Contrary to what one may think, what I write in this blog is naught but the truth. I write what I feel. I don't seek attention. Some people will not understand this. I DO NOT want pity, even if I DO wallow in self-pity every now and then like the helpless retard i am. Pessimistic. Paranoid. Playful. Pained.
Ulterior motives. I don't do any thing with such motives in mind. I read because I like it. I don't read to improve my language standards or anything. On the rare ocassion I do mug, it is not because I want to get good results but merely because I feel like doing so. I whack people because I feel like it. I don't whack people for any particular reason.
There is a void in me. Perhaps you may not understand it. I do not. Ahahahaha.
Fuck this shit. You can think what you want about me. It is beyond my control. It is, after all, your freedom. Your choice. Say what you want. Think what you want. I don't give a damn.
On a lighter note, I shall talk about my day.
Today on my bus home (156) I went to the back of the bus to sit down. At the back of the bus, in the center seat I lay, looking around with short-sighted eyes that couldn't see whiteboards and screens without spectacles (so now you know that if I'm not wearing spectacles in class I'm definitely not caring). And I noticed him. Him. He who was fat, bespectacled, playing music full-blast and twirling around his phone. No, I wasn't looking into the mirror. I was looking at a middle-aged man.
That was the first thing I noticed about him. What I came to notice after that, however, was enough to rouse my from my state of semi-consciousness. For he was looking at the lower sec boy beside me with a perverted smile. Unmoving, unblinking, he smiled at the boy beside me. For a full five minutes. Fortunately for said boy, he was engrossed in playing Worms on his handphone, or at least pretending to be so that he would not have to engage in eye contact with HIM.
And it was my turn. At the very least I am used to putting on a nonchalant look. But still it was disturbing when he looked at me with those eyes, those unmoving eyes. I couldn't resist twitching half of my face non-stop.
Was he the Bishan Gay I have heard of for the past few years? Is it my fate to meet him for the first time in five years? Ahahaha perhaps it is my [mis]fortune to finally meet the person I have been hearing about so much, and perhaps it isn't him to begin with. But the experience sure was unnerving.
Ahahaha one last thing before I forget: MATH TEST GG LIAO AHAHAHAHAHA! And GP screwed up too, 50% zhun zhun. AHAHAHAHAHAHA =D :D ;D XD $D !D
*edit* After that I went for night jogging. Being the SMARTIE that I am, conveniently forgetting that it just rained, and that my path to the jogging path passes through at least 50 meters of muddy soil, and wearing long pants to top it off; I was wondering what those weird squelching sounds were halfway to my jogging path. Only to look down in horror, realise that my pants were brown up to the shins, and that my shoes were unrecognizable. And to turn around and look back and realise that there was as much left to go as distance I had passed. Squelch. Squelch. Squelch. The stupidity...
