My life is devoid of purpose; a meaningless blur of existence.

My heart is cold; my being has frozen.

My face is but a mask; my true self hidden from myself.

My mind is blank; coherent thought is out of the question.

What is going on with me? I have no idea myself. My broken life, paradoxical and ever-contradictory, in which I am unable to differentiate fact from fiction, has taken a turn for the worse. I have no idea why, as even I do not understand myself. My purpose is broken. I question my own existence; for what and whom do I exist for?

A downward spiral. Perhaps to say that my mental state has been further shattered would be an understatement; death of the mind would be closer to the truth. I can no longer differentiate between surreal and real; I cannot identify my own emotions. Having lived behind a mask for so long, never showing my true feelings, I have lost sight of what made me myself.

To use the term "mess" to describe my life would be inappropriate. Such a mild term would hardly do my life justice, with the broken state I am in. Today I have experienced doubt, pain, guilt, anxiety, embarassment, joy, sadness, unhappiness, fragmentation of thoughts, wonderment, but I have expressed none. To face life with a nonchalant attitude was what I once did to hide myself; perhaps what I once was is never to be again.

I do, however, on several ocassions express emotion. Perhaps it is not over for me. Even so, I doubt myself. Is what I show really what I experience? Such a question is paradoxical; for who else can answer it but myself? To ask this question of others is akin to asking others how I feel, for who should know better than myself? Perhaps my personality is skewed, and I have no true dominant personality.

It is say that everything is naught but the sum of its parts. If such was so, then apparently my parts are disappearing; for the sum that I am is 100% lackadaisical, and my parts apparently equate more than my sum. The part of me which does the thinking, such as now, is never active when it is needed, and vice versa. Again, I question: What is the meaning of my existence?

And in a demonstration of a personality swap, I shall resume a style closer to what I am more used to displaying.

Today was a screwed day lah. Morning pe dunno doing wad shit, end up have to run two rounds LOL. Kns ppl like caleb run so fast. I go run also extra only lor. Aft tt got all the stupid lessons -.-. So today i like, just slack in class and play calculator games. dam fun lor i beat all the stages in block dude and the other two puzzle games the name cannot remember zzz.

anw aft schl got the stupid fac dance shit. sian lah i nv go mug at all, now i regret lor. totally cant follow shit. end up like emo for dam long and also dunno wad to do. oh ya thx ny for trying to teach me the fac dance but i suck shit so i also couldnt learn it anyway. thn the fac dance was a time where i experienced a myriad of emotions. dam stupid lah. make sure you all dun procrastinate like me, else you will regret it one lor. i am ok lah, cuz i used to it. this feeling of regret has been assosiated (<---- LOL TYPO LOL) with me for dam long le. i also expect to feel like this alot in the years to come. life is liddat one lah.

anw aft all the fac dance shit and party shit thn was like going to go with ct to makan dinner. thn anw walk past soc got some ppl doing dunno some weird shit. thn at night lor, my eyesight v. bad one, so i didnt realise i walked past all my abangs. aft tt they were like cheering some shit, thn i was like EH THATS DAM FAMILIAR. so i like, pangseh my ct to go makan with my abangs at macdonalds. but thn arh dam sian lah dunno why i so emo i go there also nv talk to anyone, stone like a statue nia zzz.

oh ya tml got fac cip shit sian lahzzz. nid to wake up early in morning lol. also got the stupid jts shit at nite. everything nid $ one lor. i wan more $ thn i can go buy my spare ball for bowling XD XD. i wan to buy the soccer ball or the smiley face ball so cute =D.

See? Perhaps you get what I mean by describing myself as fragmented. Both are the true me, yet both are not. It is a paradoxical contradiction, so much so that even I have lost myself in me. Who am I? What am I? Perhaps the question shall be eternal...

There was once a time.. when things were simpler. When everything was right or wrong. When there were only so many things to do in a day. When everything was so easy. When I was young...

Are those days never to be again? Is ignorance really bliss? Is our life a flurry of movement, ceasingly reciprocrating itself? I ponder.

I know that there I have many peers whom have a comparatively immaculate grasp of the English Language, yet I continue to flourish my ignorance and stupidity in face of this. I can only conclude that I am stupid.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH ME?

On a completely unrelated side note, here's some pictures to enjoy:

Two examples of Trompe-l'œil, which I personally find very intriguing.